Wow.
Not so original with the title, but that’s exactly how I feel right now. Let me give you a little background on the situation. I am currently home alone here in Manila. Technically alone because I have my Dad and my brother, but that’s a whole other story. You would think that they’d invite me to tag along in family/relatives outing or parties, but NOOOOO. Apparently, they have been to Subic and Tagaytay recently. I only get to find out after I’ve seen the picture plastered all over Facebook.
An invitation would be appreciated, really. I may go or not go depending on my plans or schedule for the dates affected. You know what I got? Nothing. It’s bad enough that I have certain negative feelings about some things, but that was just foul. I am jobless, family-less. No wonder I am looking forward to get married and have my own family so much. I’m actually realizing how much my family affects my views in life.
I want to get married and have my own family because I want to fill that void in my life where I am alone. Yes, I am loved and I am very blessed with my family. But there are a lot of things missing. You see, we’re not poor, nor are we extremely rich. We get what we want, especially me. I think that’s my way of temporarily healing myself. That’s what I actually did before when Osc and I broke up. I went shopping, bought me a nice phone, etc. etc. And right now, I am getting frustrated over my life because: One, I don’t have money because Two, I am unemployed, but Three, I can work at our clinic/business, but again Four, I hate family politics.
People may say I’m a spoiled brat for getting everything I want. And yes, I may be one. And I’m not even sorry for getting those material things. But I am sure as hell am changing because of how I’ve been seeing the world and people. You see, I envy those are not that privileged like you and me (yes you, because you have a freaking computer and an internet connection.) who are still happy because they have their family together. Believe it or not, I would trade my life for those people because unlike them, I am stuck in this big house with nobody to talk to or to cuddle or to eat dinner with. Thinking about my life makes me sad because I am so blessed with all these things yet I am still unhappy inside. You see, the only people I have to turn to are a few friends, my sisters, and my boyfriend. While my sisters and my Mom are in the States right now, I am left with only Oscar and our friends. But we all live separate lives and each are working hard or finding work. It doesn’t fill that void much, that’s why I anticipate every chance I get to be with them.
I hope that if any of my friends, family, or relatives see this, they’ll finally know who I am behind this facade of a spoiled brat. It’s not just in the movies or in songs where one has almost everything but still be incomplete. How dramatic.
